We are headed out for a weekend of camping! I have a ton of healthy food planned and packed, and am so looking forward to the weekend away with my love. Photos and journaling after the weekend!
“The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. [Your mercies] are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
The end of Day 9 of my whole 30 found me, at 1 in the morning, eating Ben & Jerry’s out of the pint on my couch.
The day was pretty much a perfect storm. Or, I guess, a storm of imperfection.
I’ve been waking up the past few days not very hungry, which means that today I ended up grazing over a very small amount of food for the entire morning. By 11:00 I had the beginnings of a headache, and I chose to wait it out. By noon my headache was raging. Inside my brain, my thoughts were attacking and I was quickly losing a battle.
By 12:30, I was pulling through the drive through at Starbucks.
My instinct is to hide from this. My instinct is to “protect” myself in all the ways that I know best: don’t tell anyone, don’t admit it to myself, don’t try to change. After all, change is hard. Staying the same is “easier”. Except that it’s really not.
So, for me, and for not hiding in shame, everything I ate today:
- sauteed mushrooms
- black olives
- tall raspberry mocha, 1/2 syrups
- honeycrisp apple
- gogo squeeze applesauce
- annie’s frozen mac & cheese
- potato chips & dip
- Ben & Jerry’s
I want to offer kindness to myself. Desperately. But I’m not sure what that looks like yet. Here’s what I do know: I am a self-sabotager. I look at life as pass/fail, and I set myself up to fail. Often.
So now I’m asking myself, what do I choose moving forward? Why do I think that progress is only progress if it’s perfect? Why did I walk myself into this situation, again?
I guess I have taken my first step in moving forward, by putting these words here. Instead of covering my pain in shame and hiding, my words here, freely (if uncertainly) shared, are my kindness.
I am choosing to lean in, not out.
Here’s to today, messy and imperfect.
Here’s to moving forward, still messy, and here’s to making peace with living imperfect. Because the imperfect is not going anywhere.
I finally got my “about” page up and running. You can check it out here, if you’re interested in that sort of thing!
breakfast // wilted spinach, sautéed mushrooms, 2 fried eggs, aidell’s apple chicken sausage, black olives, vanilla chai tea
dinner // shredded salsa chicken, avocado slices
before bed // monkey bowl
sleep // 7
activity // none
thoughts and feelings // still waiting for the energy to really bust through. i know in my head that i’m only a couple days in to something different after years of the same, but i still want that instant gratification. here’s to hoping – knowing – that it will come!
breakfast // monkey bowl, spinach, shredded beef, salsa, vanilla chai tea (unpictured)
lunch // wilted spinach, sautéed mushrooms, deglazed pan sauce, fried eggs in coconut oil, sautéed pre-steamed sweet potatoes, bacon
dinner // bison burger topped with sautéed mushrooms, onions, and bacon, lettuce and tomato, sweet potato fries*, garlic mayo*
sleep // 8 hours
activity // none
thoughts and feelings // one of my first thoughts when i woke up this morning was, i made it to day 7!! that feels really good. my second thought was, i had a dream about halloween candy last night, and in the dream i was plotting to store away a milky way until the end of whole 30. which is weird because i’ve never been much of a milky way girl!! we went to a coffee shop this afternoon and terry’s caramel mocha smelled very, very good, but i went with tea which felt very, very good. we also had dinner in a restaurant, which was delicious and satisfying! i had an awesome burger without the bun, and made some choices to have probably-not-compliant sweet potato fries and garlic mayo.
*most likely not compliant
Linked with WIAW
breakfast // hash browns cooked in pure indian foods ghee, scrambled eggs with leftover chicken breakfast sausage, apple gogo squeeze
lunch // applegate beef hotdogs, ketchup and mustard*, bubbie’s kraut, power greens (kale, spinach, chard), homemade ranch
snack // suja juice: sweet beets
dinner // applegate turkey bites w/ mustard*, homemade mayo, and bubbie’s pickles, apple gogo squeeze
before bed //
sleep // 7 1/2 hours
activity // none
thoughts and feelings // i had a slightly easier time waking up this morning! which means hitting the snooze button 2 times instead of a million, but still… exciting! i also remembered today that i am still in the recovery time period from bronchitis, which could explain a bit of why my energy is slow to return. i think that the fact that i’ve been so low energy for so long also helps to explain that! i’m definitely starting to feel temptations today, or i guess i’m starting to feel them a little bit stronger. this is where all to often i just give up, so i think the temptations/cravings are a sure sign that i really need to push through them! i’d really like to find out what life on the other side of food cravings is like. the need to snack felt intense all day long. i got hit by a wall of exhausted around 3:30 in the afternoon. i’m hoping that going to bed early will allow me to get a good, long night’s sleep and maybe catch up a bit!
*they both are organic, with very clean ingredients, but both have a little added sweetener. i’m okay with it.
breakfast // none
lunch // monkey bowl, rotisserie chicken, homemade mayo, black olives, bubbie’s kraut
afternoon snack // power greens (spinach, kale, chard) with homemade ranch, salami nuggets, apple banana gogo squeeze (not pictured), peppermint tea
before bed // well rested tea
sleep // 8 1/2 hours
activity // 20 minute walk in the woods
thoughts and feelings // woke up today with cramps, and wasn’t hungry, so i didn’t eat anything until lunch. but, then we ate an early lunch. all of which left me really hungry mid-afternoon! still very impressed with my not giving in to cravings. still feel like i could just sleep and sleep and sleep.
*yes, i added a tiny bit of parmesan. i did it on purpose, and i liked it!!
breakfast // scrambled eggs, spinach, breakfast chicken sausage, leftover sweet potato “zoodles”, awake black tea
lunch // monkey bowl, leftover pan-seared chicken, homemade ranch
snack // black olives, primal pac (pictured here), unsweetened ice tea (unpictured)
dinner // egg salad: 9-minute eggs, homemade mayo, paprika, and fresh chives (not pictured), salami bites (not pictured), green olives (not pictured)
sleep // 7 hours
activity // none
thoughts and feelings // after a very stressful morning, i very much wanted to roll through starbucks for a big hit of sugar plus caffeine, but i didn’t. and i survived! then this afternoon, we went to the movies, and i brought my own movie snacks! going to bed feeling like i had a successful day.
breakfast // monkey bowl, spiced chai tea
lunch // salami bites with yellow mustard and bubbie’s kraut, black olives (not pictured), apple strawberry gogo-squeeze (not pictured)
snack // vanilla chai tea w/ coconut milk (not pictured), rotisserie chicken (not pictured)
dinner // pan-seared chicken with pan sauce, sweet potato “zoodles” with coconut cream sauce, steamed green beans
sleep // 9 hours
activity // none
thoughts and feelings // i’m getting my period, and impressed with how i’m still working through cravings, because this is when they are usually unstoppable. i don’t feel exhausted, but i don’t feel energetic. i’m waiting for the fog to really clear out of my brain.