Category Archives: Daily Log

Day 9 | October 9

The end of Day 9 of my whole 30 found me, at 1 in the morning, eating Ben & Jerry’s out of the pint on my couch.

Say what?!

The day was pretty much a perfect storm. Or, I guess, a storm of imperfection.

I’ve been waking up the past few days not very hungry, which means that today I ended up grazing over a very small amount of food for the entire morning. By 11:00 I had the beginnings of a headache, and I chose to wait it out. By noon my headache was raging. Inside my brain, my thoughts were attacking and I was quickly losing a battle.

By 12:30, I was pulling through the drive through at Starbucks.

My instinct is to hide from this. My instinct is to “protect” myself in all the ways that I know best: don’t tell anyone, don’t admit it to myself, don’t try to change. After all, change is hard. Staying the same is “easier”. Except that it’s really not.

So, for me, and for not hiding in shame, everything I ate today:

  • sauteed mushrooms
  • black olives
  • banana
  • tall raspberry mocha, 1/2 syrups
  • honeycrisp apple
  • gogo squeeze applesauce
  • annie’s frozen mac & cheese
  • potato chips & dip
  • Ben & Jerry’s

I want to offer kindness to myself. Desperately. But I’m not sure what that looks like yet. Here’s what I do know: I am a self-sabotager. I look at life as pass/fail, and I set myself up to fail. Often.

So now I’m asking myself, what do I choose moving forward? Why do I think that progress is only progress if it’s perfect? Why did I walk myself into this situation, again?

I guess I have taken my first step in moving forward, by putting these words here. Instead of covering my pain in shame and hiding, my words here, freely (if uncertainly) shared, are my kindness.

I am choosing to lean in, not out.

Here’s to today, messy and imperfect.

Here’s to moving forward, still messy, and here’s to making peace with living imperfect. Because the imperfect is not going anywhere.

Whole 30 Day 8 | October 8

breakfast // wilted spinach, sautéed mushrooms, 2 fried eggs, aidell’s apple chicken sausage, black olives, vanilla chai tea

lunch // deli turkey bites with bubbie’s pickles and homemade mayo, sweet potato fries, power greens (kale, spinach, chard) with homemade ranch

dinner // shredded salsa chicken, avocado slices

before bed // monkey bowl

sleep // 7

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // still waiting for the energy to really bust through. i know in my head that i’m only a couple days in to something different after years of the same, but i still want that instant gratification. here’s to hoping – knowing – that it will come!

Whole 30 Day 7 | October 7

breakfast // monkey bowl, spinach, shredded beef, salsa, vanilla chai tea (unpictured)

lunch // wilted spinach, sautéed mushrooms, deglazed pan sauce, fried eggs in coconut oil, sautéed pre-steamed sweet potatoes, bacon

snack // blueberry muffin larabar, earl grey tea (pictured here)

dinner // bison burger topped with sautéed mushrooms, onions, and bacon, lettuce and tomato, sweet potato fries*, garlic mayo*

sleep // 8 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // one of my first thoughts when i woke up this morning was, i made it to day 7!! that feels really good. my second thought was, i had a dream about halloween candy last night, and in the dream i was plotting to store away a milky way until the end of whole 30. which is weird because i’ve never been much of a milky way girl!! we went to a coffee shop this afternoon and terry’s caramel mocha smelled very, very good, but i went with tea which felt very, very good. we also had dinner in a restaurant, which was delicious and satisfying! i had an awesome burger without the bun, and made some choices to have probably-not-compliant sweet potato fries and garlic mayo.

*most likely not compliant

Linked with WIAW

Whole 30 Day 6 | October 6

breakfast // hash browns cooked in pure indian foods ghee, scrambled eggs with leftover chicken breakfast sausage, apple gogo squeeze

lunch // applegate beef hotdogs, ketchup and mustard*, bubbie’s kraut, power greens (kale, spinach, chard), homemade ranch

snack // suja juice: sweet beets

dinner // applegate turkey bites w/ mustard*, homemade mayo, and bubbie’s pickles, apple gogo squeeze

before bed //

sleep // 7 1/2 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // i had a slightly easier time waking up this morning! which means hitting the snooze button 2 times instead of a million, but still… exciting! i also remembered today that i am still in the recovery time period from bronchitis, which could explain a bit of why my energy is slow to return. i think that the fact that i’ve been so low energy for so long also helps to explain that! i’m definitely starting to feel temptations today, or i guess i’m starting to feel them a little bit stronger. this is where all to often i just give up, so i think the temptations/cravings are a sure sign that i really need to push through them! i’d really like to find out what life on the other side of food cravings is like. the need to snack felt intense all day long. i got hit by a wall of exhausted around 3:30 in the afternoon. i’m hoping that going to bed early will allow me to get a good, long night’s sleep and maybe catch up a bit!

*they both are organic, with very clean ingredients, but both have a little added sweetener. i’m okay with it.

Whole 30 Day 5 | October 5

Day 5 Dinner

breakfast // none

lunch // monkey bowl, rotisserie chicken, homemade mayo, black olives, bubbie’s kraut

afternoon snack // power greens (spinach, kale, chard) with homemade ranch, salami nuggets, apple banana gogo squeeze (not pictured), peppermint tea

dinner // shredded beef, spinach, avocado, sweet potato crisps*

before bed // well rested tea

sleep // 8 1/2 hours

activity // 20 minute walk in the woods

thoughts and feelings // woke up today with cramps, and wasn’t hungry, so i didn’t eat anything until lunch. but, then we ate an early lunch. all of which left me really hungry mid-afternoon! still very impressed with my not giving in to cravings. still feel like i could just sleep and sleep and sleep.

*yes, i added a tiny bit of parmesan. i did it on purpose, and i liked it!!

Whole 30 Day 4 | October 4

Day 4 Breakfast

Day 4 Lunch

breakfast // scrambled eggs, spinach, breakfast chicken sausage, leftover sweet potato “zoodles”, awake black tea

lunch // monkey bowl, leftover pan-seared chicken, homemade ranch

snack // black olives, primal pac (pictured here), unsweetened ice tea (unpictured)

dinner // egg salad: 9-minute eggs, homemade mayo, paprika, and fresh chives (not pictured), salami bites (not pictured), green olives (not pictured)

sleep // 7 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // after a very stressful morning, i very much wanted to roll through starbucks for a big hit of sugar plus caffeine, but i didn’t. and i survived! then this afternoon, we went to the movies, and i brought my own movie snacks! going to bed feeling like i had a successful day.

Whole 30 Day 3 | October 3

breakfast // monkey bowl, spiced chai tea

lunch // salami bites with yellow mustard and bubbie’s kraut, black olives (not pictured), apple strawberry gogo-squeeze (not pictured)

snack // vanilla chai tea w/ coconut milk (not pictured), rotisserie chicken (not pictured)

dinner // pan-seared chicken with pan sauce, sweet potato “zoodles” with coconut cream sauce, steamed green beans

sleep // 9 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // i’m getting my period, and impressed with how i’m still working through cravings, because this is when they are usually unstoppable. i don’t feel exhausted, but i don’t feel energetic. i’m waiting for the fog to really clear out of my brain.

Whole 30 Day 2 | October 2

breakfast // aidell’s chicken apple sausage, bubbie’s kraut, spoonful of coconut butter (not pictured), vanilla chai tea (not pictured)

snack // black olives (not pictured)

lunch // leftover banana choco-malt smoothie from meals made simple, 1/2 qdoba salad*: lettuce, pulled pork, salsa verde, guacamole

snack // blueberry muffin larabar

dinner // side salad w/ oil and lemon, baked halibut, steamed mixed veggies**

before bed // 9-minute eggs with homemade mayo, fresh chives, and paprika, whole me pecan date bar, well rested tea (not pictured)

sleep // 8 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // still tough to get out of bed in the morning. i hear that this will go away, which i really, really hope is true! i had a totally stressful drive home this evening, and every instinct in me was screaming out to get some ice cream on my way home. but i didn’t!! but i did eat too much when i got home, totally out of stress. i am glad that i chose compliant foods, but this is definitely one of the habits that needs breaking.

*today was my first time using the qdoba drive thru, and even though i specifically requested only the ingredients listed, for whatever reason they also put the corn and black bean salsa on my salad. i definitely ate a few black beans.

**my side salad unexpectedly came with shredded cheese on it, and even though i pretty laboriously picked it off, i definitely still ate some cheese shreds. i’m pretty sure that i also ate some questionable oils on my veggies.

Whole 30 Day 1 | October 1

Day 1 Breakfast

breakfast // leftover broccoli, quick-sauteed, aidell’s chicken apple sausage, hash browns cooked in pure indian foods grassfed ghee, bubbie’s kraut, vanilla chai tea

lunch // leftover pan-seared chicken, leftover broccoli, two fried eggs, 1/2 avocado, earl grey tea

dinner // banana choco-malt smoothie from meals made simple, salami bites, 9-minute boiled egg, mixed olives

before bed // plantain chips, guacamole, spoonful of coconut butter (not pictured), well rested herbal tea (not pictured)

sleep // 6 hours

activity // none

thoughts and feelings // today i feel great! sleepy, which is normal, but not yawning, can’t-keep-my-eyes-open exhausted. this afternoon i was craving “junky” snacks, just out of habit.